After listening to reruns of America’s Top Forty from the ’70s on the way to church for the past few months (thanks Max FM) my wife decided to create a playlist based on that music for the house and long car rides.
One of the songs that made the cut was the Rupert Holmes classic “Escape”, (you probably know it better as the Piña Colada song.)
For those of you who didn’t click the link to take a walk down memory lane, and may not know the premise of the song, here is a quick synopsis:
The singer (man) is in a rut in his relationship with his lady and decides that he wants someone new. He checks out the classified ads while reading the paper in bed one night (this is long before Ashley Madison was a thing) and finds his perfect match. He responds with his own ad and arranges a face-to-face at a local bar for the next day. At the bar, waiting in anticipation his “escape” arrives and (spoiler alert!) it’s his “old lady”! She sits down with him they laugh as he realizes that he had the perfect match all along.
So why do I bring this up?
Good question.
What the hero(?) of the song and his wife (live-in girlfriend? This isn’t made clear.) have failed to do is work on their Love Maps.
Love Maps are the foundation of the Sound Relationship House as defined by Marriage Researcher John Gottman. I speak about them in great detail in my day long Marriage Foundations Workshop as well as in our Couples VIP weekends and my one-one-one coaching. (In case you hadn’t guessed, I think this is pretty important.)
A love map is essentially how well you know your spouse. The larger the love map the stronger the foundation of your marriage, period. Expanding the foundation that your marriage is built on allows you to build both a more stable relationship and a much bigger one as well.
We have “love maps” for everyone in our life, from the Server at Tim Horton’s (you know their name, that they work at Tim’s and they got your order right) to your co-workers, to your friends and relatives, and, of course, your spouse. The closer you are to someone, naturally the larger the love map and the bigger/stronger your relationship is with them.
Your relationship to the guy at Tim’s doesn’t need to be very strong to get your morning coffee, so the love map (foundation) is small. You know more about your co-workers’ lives and your relationship with them is stronger. Even more with your friends and (hopefully) the most with your spouse.
Take some time over the next few weeks to expand your love map for your spouse. Use questions like; “Who were your best friends growing up?” “What did you want to do for the rest of your life when you were 10.” “Who are your 3 best friends now and why?” And maybe even “Do you like Piña Coladas?”